5 Reasons Why You’d Hate Traveling With Me

Often, when I describe my travels to people, they’re pretty jazzed. But then they go a step too far: “Oh, I’ll bet it would be fun to travel with you!”

I suppose for some. But I think most people would think saddling up with my wife and me is a circle of hell if they encountered the reality of it. Here’s why:

1. We can’t say no to adding mileage. One of us will see or hear of something cool. And it’s only a short hike away! There’s no way we can resist, even if we’re already in the middle of a death march. Onward!

2. We walk everywhere. Unless we’re just getting into an airport, we largely move by foot once we’re at our destination. Yeah, we’ll take a bus from city to city, but once we’re there, it’s all on foot. And god help you if we’re hunting down rumors of a good coffee house or craft brewery. We’ve marched ourselves into the ground on many a damn-fool idea.

3. We get up really early. And we’re going full-throttle the entire day. By the time 10 p.m. rolls around, we’re dead to the world.

4. We eat really weird stuff. If you don’t and you’re tagging along with us, we will verbally abuse you and ostracize you until you take a bite of fricaseed jellyfish. And I will eat haggis just to make you gag.

5. It’s very unusual for us to spend more than two nights anywhere. So our trips are often less than relaxing. Yes, they’re fun – but of a slightly brutal variety.

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Writer. Traveler. Gastronomic daredevil. Fitness fan. Homebrewer. Metal dude \m/. Cat and dog lover.

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